This book was written by Deepa Kodikal, a middle-aged woman who lived the ordinary life of a traditional housewife, taking care of her home and husband and bringing up their four daughters.At 11.30 p.m. on the 24th of December 1983, she had sat up with her third daughter Akshata, a teenager then, listening to Beniamino Gigli on the record player to see in Christmas day. After midnight they went upstairs to their rooms. Deepa suddenly felt impelled by the urge to sit in meditation. It had been fifteen years since she had had last had the experience of deep meditation, but she slipped into it naturally and describes being overcome by a peaceful vibrating buzz. It was the first step in a journey that led her deeper and deeper towards a state of ultimate awareness or spiritual enlightenment, with the primal force awakening and manifesting in her.
In the early hours of Christmas day she suddenly began having strange experiences which she came to recognize as being of a spiritual nature. Years later she would describe them as, “an inseparable mixture of discomfort and helplessness combined with indescribable ecstasy and bliss.”
Is it strange that a woman who had never read scriptures or philosophical treatises or undertaken any rituals or penances or yogic disciples should be blessed thus? Or is it usually such people who quietly have these experiences and carry them, unspoken, on to the hereafter?
Deepa was different, because she kept a diary. This described in detail all that she went through physically and the thoughts that accompanied the sensations. It also helped that her husband Raja had read a great deal about such matters and was able to help Deepa with a context and some understanding of the tremendous experiences she was going through.
She writes, “I was delirious with intoxication, every cell of my body melting into an unbearable though totally joyous ecstasy, when the deep rumbling and by now familiar inner voice again intoned: “This is ‘turyavastha’. You are in ‘turyavastha’. You have merged with the divine! You have become one with the Lord. This is the highest state of exaltation and this will be your permanent state from now…”
And later, “The word ‘turyavastha’ had a sobering effect on Raja as he had read a lot about such matters. He told me to come downstairs and give him breakfast and to be very careful near the cooking gas. He also gave me a few tips on what was to be done if I was totally overcome by the exalted mood. I laughed at him; by that, I mean the divine in me laughed as I was still in that exaltation. I told him he had not yet grasped the extent of my avastha (state) which was very rare as it was accompanied by full control of body and mind.”
Still later: “The path to Godhood is through bliss. To be blissful at every moment and to enjoy bliss without being aware of it and without making an effort, leads one to the eternal bliss. To begin with, one needs to cultivate the habit of being in bliss. Then it becomes totally natural. Without being aware of this minute bliss, the eternal bliss eludes you. Because this minute bliss and the eternal bliss are one and the same. One originates from the other, and one leads to the other. Just as by knowing the alphabet, one knows all the words, so also, only by comprehending this minute bliss, can one comprehend the eternal bliss.” The book also gives a theoretical context to Deepa’s experiences with explanations of various concepts such as five divine qualities, the different states of consciousness, Nirvikalpa, Vishwarupa, Avatar, layers of the mind, Ananda and so on.
She writes, quoting her own experience, “I am the ‘nirvana’. ‘Nirvana’ is not an object one picks up nor a place one reaches. It is only the Real Self shining forth in its glory in a state of total uncover. The natural state of Self in ‘nirvana’, in ‘moksha’, ‘freedom, liberation! The original state of man is ‘nirvana’ till he covers it with the binding and harrowing mind, complete with ego, emotions, and thoughts. An individual should endeavour towards this recognition and this experience.”
A Journey within the Self also says clearly that in her experience, there is no end to this evolution and it continues endlessly.
She was not keen on having her diary published, but Raja, himself a seeker and convinced that it would make an invaluable reference guide to others on the path, was able to persuade her.
I received the book for review soon after it was published in 1992 and was fascinated by what I read.
Burning with curiosity, I made an appointment to see Deepa. I don’t know what I expected – some kind of wild-eyed mystic perhaps – and was surprised to find a relaxed, smiling and completely normal person. She had cooked lunch and it was delicious. We became friends.
Many years later when Deepa asked me to edit her new book for her, her personal experience of the nature of existence, I said yes immediately without realizing how lucky I was. I read the manuscript over and over and it changed my life.
But more about that another time.
