The Code returns
Sophie-Kutty
and Robo Langdon have arrived in Pune, following Sophie-Kutty’s
recently dead grandfather’s cryptic directions. Sila the hijra is in hot
pursuit. They join the huge annual pilgrimage to Pandharpur known as
Palki, looking for more clues. Inspector Jadhav too has sworn publicly
to solve the mystery.
The Palki comprised long lines of simple rural folk walking along in bands.
Some
carried banners. Many were singing, playing the cymbals, or chanting.
The women wore flowers. The men were dressed in dhoti-topi. Elders were
carried in palanquins. They had walked for days; covered hundreds of
miles. Pune traffic was diverted to non-Palki routes. In their fervour
for Dnyaneshwar, school kids and office goers too had decided to stay
home.
Sophie-Kutty
was filled with pangs of grief for the loss of her grandfather. She
looked at Robo. They had grown fond of each other. “I think we should
mix in the crowd separately,” she told him. “Let’s meet at the German
Bakery tomorrow lunchtime.” Langda nodded. He knew she was right.
Next
day, Sophie-Kutty was surprised to see Langda already at the German
Bakery, hanging out with a familiar-looking face. “Meet Shantaram,” he
introduced her. The famous Australian convict had lived in Mumbai slums,
saving lives with his first-aid skills and equipment. Sophie-Kutty had
loved the book but found the Marathi renderings pretentious.
“Hmm,
not bad,” Sophie-Kutty acknowledged, impressed, “but see what I got!”
and she brought forward a handsome but rather dirty-looking young man
whose upper-class British antecedents became evident the minute he
cleared his throat.
“Antimony Hopscotch,” Sophie-Kutty offered him proudly to the others.
“Fascinating,
this Pulkey,” Antimony beamed with native wit. He put down his backpack
and he and Shantaram compared notes on their separate groups, routes,
rituals, evening entertainment, and where to get good dope.
“Son
of a duke,” Sophie-Kutty briefed Langda. “Mother studied metallurgy at
Edinburgh. Badly oppressed by life of royalty and disappeared in the
middle of his gap year. Surfaces occasionally to e-mail addresses where
his folks can wire him money.”
“Gap year?” asked an unfamiliar voice, “Do you mean he spent one year buying t-shirts? Sounds like my son.”
Sophie-Kutty
and Robo looked up. Inspector Jadhav stood at the entrance stroking his
moustache. A shrill scream from Sophie-Kutty cut short Langda’s
socio-economic analysis of the phrase Gap Year. He looked hurt, but she
pointed behind the inspector where Sila was shackled. The inspector
looked modestly victorious. “We caught him trying to make away with Sant
Dnyaneshwar’s sandals,” he explained.
Sila leaned forward and thrust a piece of paper into Langda’s hand.
“Gup re,” shouted Inspector Jadhav threateningly, “Ek kan patti lavtho”.
“Well done sir,” said Robo, “Sophie, we can go home now.”
“What does Sila’s note say?” Sophie-Kutty asked later as they tucked into greasy cheese toasts on the Indrayani.
“I’d forgotten about that!” Robo exclaimed and unfolded the slip, but recoiled when he read FART IN A SHED.
Sophie-Kutty
studied the message, squinting worriedly into the railway sheds they
passed. As they walked out of CST, Sophie-Kutty jumped up, slapping her
forehead. “My grandfather would have been ashamed of me!” she exclaimed.
Can’t you see Robo darling, FART IN A SHED is nothing but ANDHERI FAST!
Let’s hurry!”
They
raced across the streets, propelled by the sea of evening commuters,
and fell breathless into an Andheri Fast, pouncing into window seats
before others got them.
“Sila!”
Sophie-Kutty screeched, leaning and stretching her hands out through
the window bars towards the hijra who had found them again.
“I
am innocent! Those were MY grandfather’s sandals, he was a famous
hijra!” Sila shouted. “DNA test was done and sandal found to belong in
my family. Please Sophie-Kutty, remember one thing, EVIDENCE IN A
CORRUPTION!”
“What?!” Sophie-Kutty asked, startled.
“EVIDENCE IN A CORRUPTION!” Sila repeated.
The train began to move. Sila ran alongside.
“CONTINUE PRIOR DEVIANCE” he yelled desperately.
“Her grandfather was a HIJRA?” Langda asked incredulously. “I’ve always wondered how these things work.”
“Robo,
listen,” said Sophie sternly. “These are Jacob Sussanna’s last two
messages. Both indicate very clearly that the convict Shantaram stole
Sant Dnyaneshwar’s sandals.”
Arriving
at Shantaram’s posh new apartment at Lokhandwala, they found the front
door key under the door mat, but no sandals inside.
Later,
Sophie-Kutty sipped her chai and mused despondently, “I should have
realised my grandfather would never leave me so obvious a clue.”
“Look
at this,” responded Langda excitedly, “FART IN A SHED also reads FANS
HIDE RAT. Did you know that one year the British banned the Palki saying
that the plague was going wherever the Palki went? But the order met
with outrage and rebellion of such magnitude that they had no choice but
to revoke it.”
“My
god!” Sophie-Kutty hurriedly interrupted his lecture. “My grandfather
was one smart old geezer! That fits in with HA HA! VAST ARMPIT INJURIES
ITCH!”
It was Robo Langda’s turn to slap his forehead. “I’ve got it!” he shouted, leaping up.
Later
that day, a beaming Inspector Jadhav faced a battery of mikes and press
cameras. “I owe thanks to my dear friends Sophie-Kutty and Robo Langda
with whose help the Mumbai Police have apprehended the notorious
criminal Mr. Antimony Hopscotch.”
Jadhav
and Langda had led Antimony into a temple, while Sophie-Kutty quickly
picked up the sandals he left outside and returned them soundlessly to
the relieved Palki. When Antimony’s own sandals had torn, he had been
too broke to buy a new pair, so just helped himself to the Palki’s
sandals without anticipating the resulting furore.
“It’s
quite simple, really,” Langda said. “EVIDENCE IN A CORRUPTION and
CONTINUE PRIOR DEVIANCE are both anagrams of RECEIVED PRONUNCIATION.”
“Besides,”
added Sophie-Kutty, you must have noticed that most evil villains speak
in that posh Brit accent. Remember Sher Khan in Jungle Book? Sean
Ambrose in MI2? Lagaan, Mangal Pandey, Rang de Basanti? Cruella de
Ville? Lord Farquhart? Hannibal Lecter? Even that horrid Simon Cowell in
American Idol speaks like that.”
Concluded
Inspector Jadhav, “From my side I am relieved that culprit has turned
out to be foreign national. The minority groups would have been giving
lot of trouble. These days even our Hindus have become very sensitive
and are closing down Hussain exhibitions and the like. The messages of
our native Saints like Dnyaneshwar and Tukaram have become increasingly
important and I request you all to follow. Jai Maharashtra.”The Code returns, first published by Sunday Mid-day on 9 July 2006, parodies Dan Brown's style of writing and traces the history of a lesser (Indian) Robert Langdon.It is the second part of a column that appeared in this blog yesterday.
